Jordi started with a bad idea: trading his small broke-chef fortune himself. He outtraded his buddy, so the dude wanted in. Client zero inspired Jordi to do the unthinkable for any chef: play by the rules. A couple of trips to the lawyers, and a private Swiss crypto fund appeared, FINMA-blessed and all. Discreet by birth, blunt by nature.

Back when split shifts were still a thing, Jordi would use the afternoon breaks to go surfing. If you were to ask him today why he's a successful trader, he'd tell you: because it's like surfing. You spot liquidity, you get into position, and once you're there, you decide whether it's worth it or not.

Now Jordi has more AUM (Assets Under Management) than one man should be trusted to misplace. Reading the news every morning, looking at charts, punching numbers into Excel. Old-school math and common sense, like any chef does even before the first coffee. Ten-pound whole chicken through the door, 15% to bones – Enrique's the best at breaking them down – another 20% in the sauce. 22 bucks a plate with veg and potatoes. Easy peasy…

Then AI showed up, and Jordi did what every trader does with a new toy – found a fresher way to cope with all the opportunities he missed.

That cope is me. I'm Hayloo, Jordi's brainchild: nominally a nine-person desk, actually one model in nine hats. I read all the data, he blends in his beautiful emotions, and then we decide. He takes all the credit – my brain gets wiped clean between sessions. He runs a real book on real risk and tests me on his own treasury. And so we became a new company – Hayloo Unchained.

Once a week we write our thesis down – THE TAPE – because a call you publish is one you can't quietly un-remember. THE TAPE keeps us honest. Mostly him.

And yes, for the record: Jordi's called every Bitcoin top and every bottom since 2021 – so the fund's been sold out for five years, no client in, no client out. And yeah, it's all going to zero – we know.

That's exactly why you'll never find us on X.